junior year ends

so my junior year has been the worst year i can honestly say that i have ever had in my life. i know there are some good things that have happened this year but i think the bad over ways the good.first off my brother passed away who was the closest to me in age. second i now have found out i have an autoimmune disease and not only that i have gain thirty pounds since the beginning of the year. my mom has been jobless. my dad has been a jerk. i have recieve my very first c this year also it all has sucked. there is one good thing that has come from this year and that is that i have fallen in love with my best friend and my family now accepts me dating him.

school

so, i am soooo glad school is about to be over. i only have to take one final and i am so excited because im pretty sure the study guide for the final is the exact same as the final. so, summer is quickly approaching and i have no clue what i am going to do this summer but work. i have no clue what i want to do with my life either aand the thought of my high school carreer is shortly comeing to a hault scares me sooooo much. i hope by the time i graduate that i know what i want to do with my life.

the tack

last night i recieved a text message that was from my boyfriends best friend. he asked if he coulod have 20 dollars in place of the gas he wasted to go get my car from the shop. i said i would give him 20 buckds. he came by my work and i gave him the money he also ordered a qt cherry coke. i made him his coke and gave it to him. so the night goes on and im working when i recieve another message from him. it said thanks and after that some not so polite words ***. i didnt understand why he was cussing at me i gave him his money. well come to find out he gets all the way to town and goes to take his cup out of the cup holder and finds a tack in the bottom of the qt cup. he blamed it on me when i clearly didnt have time to scheme that sort of thing, but anyways this started a pretty crappy night for me.

grill ripped from man's teeth at a tennessee jail

when a tennessee jailer ripped the gold from a new inmates teeth two days before thanksgiving last yeaqr it left the 31 year old man in excruciating pain and left we the taxpayers on the hook for nearly 100000 in damages to the mans mouth.the man spat out blood and teeth in a trashcan and was in agony for more that a week after davidson county sheriffs lt. the forced extraction pulled the enamel of the inmates front teeth and left him with a damaged mouth that still isnt fixed. this is horrible jailers shouldnt be allowed to pull such things out of the inmates mouth. i fe3el sorry for the guy left with a messed up teeth and it isnt pair that us tax payersw have to pay for the damage that a single person caused. that person responsible for the daqmage shoulkd have to fork up the cash.

man passes out wile cookin meth at gas station

this man was found passed out new years day at a gas stagtion while cooking methamphetamine in his vehicle. the worker at the gas station called thew police and said that the vehicle had been parked there for an hour it is dangerous to have such a chemical cookingin the locaqtion of a gas pump this man is now reported to be responmsive and officers are investigating and charges are pending. this is rediculous, why wo9uld somoone cook and illegal drug at a public place this man was not in his right mind he could have caused a major explosion due to the chemicals annd gas mixing. whick would have put lives at risk.this mans stupidity could have killed people.

how i love my boyfriend

i love him so much he does anything i need him to do. he loves me for who i am. i love his family they are very original people. i dont know what i owulod do with out him. he was there for me even when we didnt go out. he has truely staid by my side better than any girl friend i have ever had. i trust him with my everything and would do anything for him. he is good friends with all three of my brothers he respects my feelings better than anyone i know. he knows when to admit he is wrong. he always says he is sorry i believe he truely means it. he would never intentionally do anything to hurt me if he did he wojuld feel much remorse about it there are so many reasons why i love dustin keith hardin but i will have to say he is the best boyfried or any friend that i have ever had in my entire life and i will always be with him im positive i have fell in love.

my boyfriends truck

it is a 1987 ford bronco, fourwheel drive,itds got an ald transmission,302 motor or you could say a 5.0. the 33 inch tires give it good character.the powersteering leaks, it needs an iac motor, its a piece fo crap, its got rust holes, the clear coats coming off, its soon to be camoed, its got a flipp out screen dvd player in it. its got a really long cb antana. it has one camo seat cover it came with lots of valuble treasures in the back including a camo blanket. there is almost a complete hole in the floorboard of the back seet. it has an intercom like the ones you use at school underneath the hood. only two bolts holds down the rearcab top.basically it is a once in a life time founded treasure.

weird things to look up on google.

while in class the other day me and another student decided to look up funny tatoos on google and to my dismay i found this to be quite amusing. some people will do anything for a laugh. my favorite of couse is a tatoo on a persons footand it is in letter format it says gone to the market be back later love pig and that person so happened to be missing there toe but the ironic thing is that that pig will nevetr be back. many of the tattoos are so ming boggleing and make you think why wouold anyone want this their your body?

spring break

so i cant decide whether or not i am excited about spring break yet. i dont think that anything unusual is going to happen thats why im not really looking forward to it. im going to be working the whole time in this awkward situation that i have beeen put in. and if im not working i will be babysitting for my cousin. so i guess there is one up side to it i get to see my boyfriend more this week and that will make us both happy so i should be in a better mood which is exciting. most of all the other only reason im happy is because i wont have homework to have to do.

work aka a joke

sooooooo you woudl think that a person who works at one place for an extended period of time such as ohh let me see 3 years that they should know how to do the job. well i feel that i have been challenged my working skills with the owners grandson. i feel like everything is a competion he is always trying to be better than someone and now that it is me like come on lets grow up and remember how old we are. everything isnt a race, and before you decide to start accusing people maybe you should take a step back and look at the whole picture and include yourself. lets think do you do -the same exact thing as wht your trying to get me in trouble for why yes yes you do, so if your going to try to taddle tale on me go ahead and tell on yourself.

drama

wow so for high school i thought all the middle school drama was gone, but i guess not. everyone who is not perfect so everyone has problems. whether you decide to show your butt off about them is your choice. i feel that a good way to control your anger and to let the problems go is to just sit down and take a breather. i hate it when people sit there and dwell on the same problem for so long and nothing ever changes so, give up. grow up and be happy to even be alive. there are so many people in this world have so much worse. another way to make your self feel better is to think about all of the people in this world who are going through much worse events in the life and then think to yourself i have it good.

bars

i never really knew how dirty bars really were until i chose to help clean one yesterday afternoon. i swear this bar hasnt really been up and running in at least two years. it reaked of old beer and old men. i swear i swept that at least ten times and still found my self coming across dirt. i was told that the place needed to be mopped so i thought that it would be pretty simple to just go over there and just mop it but no one seemed to inform me that the place had to be swept, bathrooms needed to be cleaned, booths needed to be washed, tables need to be scrubbed, and chairs needed to be wiped. so i found my self doing all of these choors andrealizing that a bar really is one of the dirtiest place that i have ever been. i oculdnt even imagine being in one with all of the dirt and scum no telling what all happens at bars it is completely disgusting. i have promised myself that i would never make my nose go through that awfull smell again.

cards

its an oldpastime in my family that i have learned all of my life. you know every time you go to visit my 83 and 84 year old grandparents that we are going to play pedro or hi low jack. these games have really helped me bond with my grandpaerents who seem not to understand today time and age. i am always partners with my grandad. grandma i dont think ever in history has been on grandads team. they like to bicker at one another for cheating or for bidding over one another on purpose just to make the other one mad, but i love the conversations and gossip i get from them while i play. you cna learn alot witting there just watching they seem to know about everyone and what everyone in daviess county is doing no matter what age they are. they are the wisest people i know. i feel like everytime im there i seem to gain some of their knowledge. ovewr alli dont know what i would do if i didnt have them to spend time with, they are the life of the family they will always betruthful no matter what.

Hayden's Drive In

i am getting so sick and tired of working! It seems like i am there all the time if im not sleeping or at school im at work. Sometimes my co-workers can be a pain in my butt. I feel like every single one them are my siblings. i can get in fights with one of them and then ten minutes later we both are laughing at eachother. i love workking with people i know but too much of neone will aggrivate me. i feel like i have to keep secrets from them or else they will tell my boss who we call momma. it is like a real family out ther my bosses are momma and daddy and no one wants to get in trouble with them . it doesnt even have to be work related if i do anything wrond morally that they wouldnt aprove i wouldnt even dare to speak of it while at work. over all i still love where i work just every once in a while i would like a break.

my soulmate

i feel like i have never before felt this way about someone in my life. my boyfriend who deserves a better title than that because he is so great, he always thinks aboot me first. he has taken my little brother in as his own and has tryed to be the brother Josh would have been. He tries his hardest to do what he thinks is best for me or for my family. he always put me first. I wish i could be half the girlfriend that he is a boyfriend. idk what i would ever do if somthing was to happen to him. not only does he stand by my side but his family is great to. the pretty treat me like i am their own child. i feel at home at their house and have never felt nervous there. my boyfriends sister was kind of Josh's crush so they fill for me while im going through this hard time. Its like im already married to him. his family knows my family and i love it!

my dream

last night i woke up balling my eyes out. i had to retrack what i had dreamt, you know how you dream somthing nd then you cant seem to remember what you dreamed about. well, this was not at all like this. I seem to remeber every detail of this dream. it was like a miracle. the dream started out that i was on the intdernet and i was looking for someway to contact my brother who had disapeared like a year earlier. i was going through tons of websites just looking. most of the dream consisted of this, my mom was also helping me out with this. well after looking through all of the sites my mom told me she had some how contacted him a few months ago nd he was trying to find a way home and that he had still been going to church every sunday like my family had before my parents got divorced nd when all of us kids still lived in the house nd went to school. i was talking to my mom about all of this nd how proud i was of my brother whom i had never showed an ounce of emotion in front of.(in my household as brothers and sisters strength and being tough is how we showed love.) well my mom left the room and someone enter the house nd shut the door i paid no attention to this and just thought it was my oldest brother Jeffrey. well, soon that person came up to me and stuck somthing smelly in front of my nose and i hitt there hand and kind of yelled at them to stop. when i turned around i saw Josh my long lost brother staring back at me laughing how he used to when he aggrivated me. i then shot him a stare and for once in my life i took the mean look off my face and ran up to my brother and hugged him as i weeped. he just stood there hugging me back as he had never done before and everything seemed to stand still and thats when i woke up in a frenzy balling my eyes out. it seemed to all cometogether, how my dream seemed to be the way my brother was reaching out to me in a way i had never endured and seemed to make me feel as if he was still there and that he was watching over me and i will never in my life forget this dream because i will never forget the memory of my brother who cared about my family and about his faith

phones

i never knew how addicted to my phone i actually was untill yesterday. i was in the bathroom at work and i was turning to walk out and as i did i heard a plopping noise and i turned around to find that my phone had fallen out of my jacket pocket into the toilet. thank goodness i had flushed the toilet cause i soon as i saw it my hand went fingertip first into the bowl of the toilet i sure am glad it wasnt pee water cause i didnt think twice before i did it. i pulled it out and immediately took a towel and dried every individual piece of my phone and i ran out of the bathroom almost in tears and my boss came to my rescue with a blow drier, so i worked on my phone and i worked on my phone trying to bring it back to life but its poor soul didnt make it through and i found myself the maddest i have been in a long time jsut staring at my phone thinking that if i had just put it in my jeans pocket i would never have had to go through this tragic event. i felt so lonely it was the o0ne of the worst feelings i had had in three months. i felt like i had lost a part of me. this story is so sad but true that i found my self shedding a tear over a cell phone that in no way really could identify me.

pointless

i dont kn0ow why i even have a facebook! i never get on it and yet i keep recieving notices that someone has sent me somthing new. ohhhhh now i remember my mother thought that is was just impossible for life to go on if i didnt have one. so she took it into her own hands to make me one and set my phone up to -recieve the emails that involve it even though i would never even look at it i dont keep up with facebook or myspace. i think they are nifty to have if you have time if you dont then why have one it is just somthing else to keep up with and worry ab0out. i guess if i was an unemployed mother of four i would also0 be engaged in this site. but as a 17 year old teen who has school then work then home work has no need to also have any social networking website to be a member of and be distracted by.

heart cath

exactly what is it i tho9ught as my grandmother called me to tell me my grandad was getting it done. i was informed that is was an operation where they go through a major vein and follow it to your heart to see if there is any major porblems with your heart. i felt relief when i recieved a call saying that nothing was wrong with his heart. but then i was told that they then would have to test his gallbladder to find 0out where the source of pain was coming from. we then found out that it was coming from the gallbladder and that he would have to have surgery to have the organ taken out. now i have to worry about my grandfather goin under the knife. i could take another family member getting hurt.

in love!

i have never felt this way for a person as i do with my boyfriend. i know most people think that the feelings you have for a person during high school couldnt possibly be real or lifetime long. after my boyfriend being here for me through everything and knowiong when to leave me alone and know how school is more important than talking on the phone gives me every reason to absolutely love him. he understands me more than anyone or at least he trys harder. he has seen me at my worst and still thought i looked beautiful. i have never heard him ever say anything hurting to me. i would never say anything mean to him either. he no matter how moody or mad i was has stopped loving me. he considers my feelings before he says anything. he respects my opinions even if he doesnt agree. we have also been best friends for over a year. he would do anything for me and i would do everything for him. even though he is almost the legal drinking age he still respects my feelings and doesnt drink. i dont know if i could ever not love him and at this point i dont think not matter what he did if my feelings could change.

hives!

omg! i dont know if i have ever heard of a person getting hives at least 3 times a week. it sucks have an allergic reaqction to somthing you have yet to discover. i have tryed to change everything that i do to see if some kind of a reaction becomes different but have not been succesful yet. my last reactions have happened friday, saturday, and today. friday i broke out in hives on my fingers and toes. on saturday after getting to work i discover i have developed one big hive on my lip. today i now have hives covering my ankles and wrists. i swear within the last month i have had hives in every place imaginable. i feel like i have done everything i can do to stop them and they keep coming back. i have been perscribed and have been taking 3 different perscription pills. i was also perscribed an epipen. i just hope that at some time i dont have a reaction that is so bad my life becomes a risk. i have had a reaction like this two years ago where i had to rush to the emergency room because the hives had taken up all space in my throat and i could no longer breathe.

JERKS!

just when you think you can trust somebody and you think that you are friends dont trust them too much because they might end up betraying you. my own bestfriend who has also lost a sibling also betrays me by slashing my mother on how good of a mother she is. people react to similar inccidents different. my mother has done everything she can to try to help me and my family through a hard time that was unexpected. no one is trained to undergo such a tragic thing. i know myself personally can not for an hour not think about my brother or how i cant remember the last time i saw him or that i willl never get to see him again. she not only has to deal with that but has to deal with the fact that she found her son shot dead in his car while the door was jammed and she couldnt get to him. she has to deal with that image for the rest of her life and how she thinks that in some way she could have prevented it. and no one can understand this situation by no means unless they have gone through it. i cnat possibly feel the pains of a mother alone finding her child dead, but i can feel the pains i have from not having my brother or not being able to see his face and say good bye. the day of his death i could not remember the last time i saw him and two days later i will learn that even at his funeral i will not be able to see him because it will be a closed casket. i hope no one has to feel the way my family feels and i pray that they wont.

snow

i am so sick and tired of snow. it keeps you trapped inside the house and is cold and leaves puddles when it melts. its messy and gets my clothes wet when i walk outside just to get in the car. when it is su nny outside the snow makes it blinding to where you cant even see. it also makes the roads slick which causes wrecks and people to fall and hurt themselves. i know i have at least fallen on my butt 5 times since our snow on friday. whats even worse than snow is ice. ice cause so many more problems on high levels. snowdays are ok and you know the snow will melt fast. ice days suck! you could loose your power. which means no heat no hot water no microwave nothing that we of the 21st century use on a daily basis. icestorms hurt the environment and our form of living. i can only hope and pray that this year we dont have another 2 WEEK ICE STORM!

To Much!!

have you ever felt like you have been through all you can take then something else happens and it keeps getting worse? i have come to a conclusion that that is all that life has in store for us. feeling sorry for yourself will not help you move on. At a certain time you will have to realize that the only person that can help you is yourself. No one but an exception of your parents or close relatives actually care about how you feel or what you are going through. there isn't anyone who could possibly understand how you feel unless they have endured your hardships. once you realize life doesn't get any easier you learn to live what God has givin you and pray for the best to happen. nothing can help you feel better, but yourself. alcohol drugs or any other thing you think will help you cope with stress doesn't actually help you it only adds on to you problems. as a person of my age i have already seen many close friends and family members try to get rid of their problems by using any kind of drug they can find. So when i found out that my own brother was over twice the legal limit of intoxication with also some traces of marijuana at the time of his death it absolutely broke my heart and ive been trying to forgive him with leaving all of us when we didnt even get to say good bye.

if dogs could talk!

if dogs could talk i bet they would tell us that life is short and you have to live it while you are here. Dogs life spans are way shorter than ours. they of all creatures besides humans,are smart enough to understand how life is. they see their brothers and sisters live such short lives and endure the heartless people who mistreat them. my dog is 14 years old he still looks both ways before crossing our busy highway that we live on. they are a lot smarter than we give them credit to be. they protect you and are more loyal than any friend or companion can ever be. no matter how much you sway about them they will always stay by your side because they cant understand you. any time another dog steps on our property my dog Copper is the most protective thing that i could have he growls and marks his teritory so that the other dog knows not to mess with him. we have had my dog since i was three and can not imagine not having him he is jus like another brother. if he was ever to die i would treat it as my own blood had passed.

Its fine

my dads number one phrase is "its fine". he has always said through everything that everything is fine. even when he accidently messed up our food. one time he was making tuna casserole and we ran out of milk so he went to our shelves and went to get some evaporated milk to dilude. when we finally went to try the casserole we found ourselves gagging. he kept telling us, the whole time we were complaining about the tuna tasting sweet and gross, that it was fine that we were being overly dramatic. finally when he sat down at the table to take a bite of the tuna he was in for a rude awakening. he figured out real fast that that tuna casserole wasnt fine that there was somthing wrong with it. he went back to look at all of the ingredients he had put in the casserole and saw that somthing was wrong. he thought that he was using evaporated milk when he wass actually using sweet and condensed milk, which gave a dish that was not meant to be sweet a grossly sweet taste so every time he says somthing is fine we bring up how made somthing that was indeed not fine at all!

2009

many of things have happened in 2009......

- i went to washinton d.c. for the right to life march and voiced my beliefs as a catholic. this trip will forever leave an impact in my life by seeing all the people who have the same belief as i do. we not only went on the march but we also went sight seeing.

- after the march and sight seeing then we ventured to the big city of new york. we saw the statue of liberty and many other historical places along with eating a hot dog from the street vender for the 1st time in my life.

- i pierced my ears this time by my self and they got infected

-i also went to mishawaka indiana where my church youth group was involved i n many activities of improving others lives and homes.

- this was the first year since i was 8 that i hadnt played any sort of swoftball niether fastpitch or slowpitch.

- i got my permit this last year and endured in many adventures of learning to drive.

- i develoved a back problem (bulging disk) and had to go through physical therapy

-me and my best friend started a relationship in 2009.

- and the last memory of 2009 that i will never forget is the dear loss of my brother. there are so many memories through out my life that will be connected to the year of 2009 because it will forever be remembrance of my brother. many think that i would say 2009 was a bad year but i dont, i dont want to dwell on the unhappiness of it but dwell on the good times i had with my brothers and how they made my life complete. josh will never be gone because i will always carry him in my heart and his presence will always be known!