pointless

i dont kn0ow why i even have a facebook! i never get on it and yet i keep recieving notices that someone has sent me somthing new. ohhhhh now i remember my mother thought that is was just impossible for life to go on if i didnt have one. so she took it into her own hands to make me one and set my phone up to -recieve the emails that involve it even though i would never even look at it i dont keep up with facebook or myspace. i think they are nifty to have if you have time if you dont then why have one it is just somthing else to keep up with and worry ab0out. i guess if i was an unemployed mother of four i would also0 be engaged in this site. but as a 17 year old teen who has school then work then home work has no need to also have any social networking website to be a member of and be distracted by.

heart cath

exactly what is it i tho9ught as my grandmother called me to tell me my grandad was getting it done. i was informed that is was an operation where they go through a major vein and follow it to your heart to see if there is any major porblems with your heart. i felt relief when i recieved a call saying that nothing was wrong with his heart. but then i was told that they then would have to test his gallbladder to find 0out where the source of pain was coming from. we then found out that it was coming from the gallbladder and that he would have to have surgery to have the organ taken out. now i have to worry about my grandfather goin under the knife. i could take another family member getting hurt.

in love!

i have never felt this way for a person as i do with my boyfriend. i know most people think that the feelings you have for a person during high school couldnt possibly be real or lifetime long. after my boyfriend being here for me through everything and knowiong when to leave me alone and know how school is more important than talking on the phone gives me every reason to absolutely love him. he understands me more than anyone or at least he trys harder. he has seen me at my worst and still thought i looked beautiful. i have never heard him ever say anything hurting to me. i would never say anything mean to him either. he no matter how moody or mad i was has stopped loving me. he considers my feelings before he says anything. he respects my opinions even if he doesnt agree. we have also been best friends for over a year. he would do anything for me and i would do everything for him. even though he is almost the legal drinking age he still respects my feelings and doesnt drink. i dont know if i could ever not love him and at this point i dont think not matter what he did if my feelings could change.

hives!

omg! i dont know if i have ever heard of a person getting hives at least 3 times a week. it sucks have an allergic reaqction to somthing you have yet to discover. i have tryed to change everything that i do to see if some kind of a reaction becomes different but have not been succesful yet. my last reactions have happened friday, saturday, and today. friday i broke out in hives on my fingers and toes. on saturday after getting to work i discover i have developed one big hive on my lip. today i now have hives covering my ankles and wrists. i swear within the last month i have had hives in every place imaginable. i feel like i have done everything i can do to stop them and they keep coming back. i have been perscribed and have been taking 3 different perscription pills. i was also perscribed an epipen. i just hope that at some time i dont have a reaction that is so bad my life becomes a risk. i have had a reaction like this two years ago where i had to rush to the emergency room because the hives had taken up all space in my throat and i could no longer breathe.

JERKS!

just when you think you can trust somebody and you think that you are friends dont trust them too much because they might end up betraying you. my own bestfriend who has also lost a sibling also betrays me by slashing my mother on how good of a mother she is. people react to similar inccidents different. my mother has done everything she can to try to help me and my family through a hard time that was unexpected. no one is trained to undergo such a tragic thing. i know myself personally can not for an hour not think about my brother or how i cant remember the last time i saw him or that i willl never get to see him again. she not only has to deal with that but has to deal with the fact that she found her son shot dead in his car while the door was jammed and she couldnt get to him. she has to deal with that image for the rest of her life and how she thinks that in some way she could have prevented it. and no one can understand this situation by no means unless they have gone through it. i cnat possibly feel the pains of a mother alone finding her child dead, but i can feel the pains i have from not having my brother or not being able to see his face and say good bye. the day of his death i could not remember the last time i saw him and two days later i will learn that even at his funeral i will not be able to see him because it will be a closed casket. i hope no one has to feel the way my family feels and i pray that they wont.

snow

i am so sick and tired of snow. it keeps you trapped inside the house and is cold and leaves puddles when it melts. its messy and gets my clothes wet when i walk outside just to get in the car. when it is su nny outside the snow makes it blinding to where you cant even see. it also makes the roads slick which causes wrecks and people to fall and hurt themselves. i know i have at least fallen on my butt 5 times since our snow on friday. whats even worse than snow is ice. ice cause so many more problems on high levels. snowdays are ok and you know the snow will melt fast. ice days suck! you could loose your power. which means no heat no hot water no microwave nothing that we of the 21st century use on a daily basis. icestorms hurt the environment and our form of living. i can only hope and pray that this year we dont have another 2 WEEK ICE STORM!

To Much!!

have you ever felt like you have been through all you can take then something else happens and it keeps getting worse? i have come to a conclusion that that is all that life has in store for us. feeling sorry for yourself will not help you move on. At a certain time you will have to realize that the only person that can help you is yourself. No one but an exception of your parents or close relatives actually care about how you feel or what you are going through. there isn't anyone who could possibly understand how you feel unless they have endured your hardships. once you realize life doesn't get any easier you learn to live what God has givin you and pray for the best to happen. nothing can help you feel better, but yourself. alcohol drugs or any other thing you think will help you cope with stress doesn't actually help you it only adds on to you problems. as a person of my age i have already seen many close friends and family members try to get rid of their problems by using any kind of drug they can find. So when i found out that my own brother was over twice the legal limit of intoxication with also some traces of marijuana at the time of his death it absolutely broke my heart and ive been trying to forgive him with leaving all of us when we didnt even get to say good bye.

if dogs could talk!

if dogs could talk i bet they would tell us that life is short and you have to live it while you are here. Dogs life spans are way shorter than ours. they of all creatures besides humans,are smart enough to understand how life is. they see their brothers and sisters live such short lives and endure the heartless people who mistreat them. my dog is 14 years old he still looks both ways before crossing our busy highway that we live on. they are a lot smarter than we give them credit to be. they protect you and are more loyal than any friend or companion can ever be. no matter how much you sway about them they will always stay by your side because they cant understand you. any time another dog steps on our property my dog Copper is the most protective thing that i could have he growls and marks his teritory so that the other dog knows not to mess with him. we have had my dog since i was three and can not imagine not having him he is jus like another brother. if he was ever to die i would treat it as my own blood had passed.

Its fine

my dads number one phrase is "its fine". he has always said through everything that everything is fine. even when he accidently messed up our food. one time he was making tuna casserole and we ran out of milk so he went to our shelves and went to get some evaporated milk to dilude. when we finally went to try the casserole we found ourselves gagging. he kept telling us, the whole time we were complaining about the tuna tasting sweet and gross, that it was fine that we were being overly dramatic. finally when he sat down at the table to take a bite of the tuna he was in for a rude awakening. he figured out real fast that that tuna casserole wasnt fine that there was somthing wrong with it. he went back to look at all of the ingredients he had put in the casserole and saw that somthing was wrong. he thought that he was using evaporated milk when he wass actually using sweet and condensed milk, which gave a dish that was not meant to be sweet a grossly sweet taste so every time he says somthing is fine we bring up how made somthing that was indeed not fine at all!

2009

many of things have happened in 2009......

- i went to washinton d.c. for the right to life march and voiced my beliefs as a catholic. this trip will forever leave an impact in my life by seeing all the people who have the same belief as i do. we not only went on the march but we also went sight seeing.

- after the march and sight seeing then we ventured to the big city of new york. we saw the statue of liberty and many other historical places along with eating a hot dog from the street vender for the 1st time in my life.

- i pierced my ears this time by my self and they got infected

-i also went to mishawaka indiana where my church youth group was involved i n many activities of improving others lives and homes.

- this was the first year since i was 8 that i hadnt played any sort of swoftball niether fastpitch or slowpitch.

- i got my permit this last year and endured in many adventures of learning to drive.

- i develoved a back problem (bulging disk) and had to go through physical therapy

-me and my best friend started a relationship in 2009.

- and the last memory of 2009 that i will never forget is the dear loss of my brother. there are so many memories through out my life that will be connected to the year of 2009 because it will forever be remembrance of my brother. many think that i would say 2009 was a bad year but i dont, i dont want to dwell on the unhappiness of it but dwell on the good times i had with my brothers and how they made my life complete. josh will never be gone because i will always carry him in my heart and his presence will always be known!